When the weather starts to turn warm around here certain things need to be taken care of. I usually get a white colored car, bring out the swim suits, go to wal-mart and stock up on swim goggles and pool toys, clean out the kids closets, get the grill all cleaned up and last but not least, shave the cat!!!! You may ask yourselves why would you shave a cat...well, my cat, Lily is a long haired calico cat that sheds like the dickens in the warm weather. I first started shaving her when my neighbor in Dallas shaved her cat. The pet store does this you know, for a fee of 60+ dollars. I went along with the scam for a few years and then one year I was shopping at Wal-mart in the pet dept. and saw they had clippers for pets. I got the greatest idea to buy it and do the shaving my self. It can't be that hard I thought, the clippers only cost me 20 bucks, already saved almost 40 right off the bat. I soon found out that Lily doesn't like the sound that the clippers make, and she was a little hesitant when I started to use them on her because they make an even stranger sound then. It took me a while to get it down the first time, but as you can see from the pictures I am pretty good at doing it. Even though I get comments from everyone about how Lily looks, I have decided not to go into cat shaving professionally. I will offer some helpful hints that I have learned over the past 6 years of shaving my cat!!!!
1. Shave the cat in a closed area so that she can't get away from you. I use the half bathroom, small and easy clean up and she can't run far.
2. Wear as little as possible when you shave the cat cause cat hair sticks to everything. I usually strip down to my unmentionables.
3. Wear leather gloves, the cat will start to bite about half way through and will cause blood wounds. If you get a wound, show your kids later, they will think it is cool and tell their friends about you. I never pass over a moment to look cool in my children's eyes.
4. Say reassuring words to the cat to calm it, if that doesn't work grab the hair behind the neck and just work really fast to get the job done before she freaks.
5. When the cat starts bellowing, reassure your kids that the cat loves getting shaved and she is just saying Thank you.
6. Do not, I repeat, do not shave the cats belly. This is a highly sensitive area and the cat will rip your head off if you do. Besides, the cat looks awesome with the top shaved and the bottom left long, it's the style I hear.
7. Take a shower right after to get the hair off you and calm your nerves.
8. Let the cat go free for a while, if it doesn't ever come home it didn't like the shave, if it comes home it loved it and wants another shave next year.
9. Now, this last bit of advice is very important. When the animal cops show up at your door to follow up on a report of animal abuse, blame it on your youngest kid and curse your neighbor later.
Good luck with that!!!
These pictures of Lily are not for the faint of heart. Know that she was not harmed (at least too much, more pride than anything else) in any way.
I love you Lily, thanks for putting up with me trying to save a buck. I think you look great!!!!!
3 comments:
That is a hilarious post. Glad to finally see a picture of her shaved. She looks awful! It's like a cat mullet or she is going through chemo. Poor Lily.
That is one ugly cat!! (and a very funny post.)
missy
good thing Lily has some very pretty eyes!!! you are so funny. We would love to do a couples trip!!! Not in 20 years because everything would be old saggy and in need of surgery...unless we go to alaska fishing where we can wear lots of sweaters.
Post a Comment